My Mom, My Strength

Some of us are going through alot but we digest it and suffer alone…..

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Link to previous story of My Mom, My Strength, click meIMG_9392I knew something was wrong with my mom. My mom is my bestfriend, and I’ve grown to understand her and know when something is wrong. My mom never tells me when she’s sick. I always figure out myself.

Since, my dad died, my mom has never complained to anyone else. She always complained to my dad.  He was her hero, according to her. Little did she know that he knew he was going to die.  It’s my dad’s death anniversary and on this day every year, my mom tries her best to act like she’s fine. She pretends to be happy but ends up crying in her bathroom. She would cry and come out to the living room acting like everything was fine. She would then go to the kitchen to make lunch or dinner. I knew mom never wanted me to know that she was depressed and still mourning my dad. I knew she didnt want to look weak to me. I knew she wanted to act strong so that I wont feel like my dad wasnt here anymore. All these I knew but my mom didnt know.

It was exactly 5pm when I got back home from work and my mom was making dinner. She cooks for me all the time. She spends her time cooking but she barely eats anything. My mom has lost over 60 pounds since my dad died and she refused to see a doctor. “Today, I’m gonna go into the bathroom while she’s crying and console her” I said to myself. Its been five  years and I cant hold it in anymore. I hugged and kissed my mom as she cooked and walked to my room quickly almost running because I couldnt prevent the tears falling. I went to the bathroom and flushed my toilet continuously so that my mom wouldn’t hear me wail. For the past five years, my mom has acted strong because of me but I havent been able to do anything for her not even to take away her misery.

“Elise, dinner is ready” she screamed as she walked into her room. My mom was definitely going to her bathroom to cry. I guess we both must really love the bathroom. I summed up courage after some minutes and went into her room then her bathroom. When she heard my footsteps, she locked her bathroom door quickly. “Mom, open the door, I know you’re crying. Open the door before I use the spare keys.” My mom refused to open the door. I waited for more than thirty minutes. Then I had no other option, I had to use my spare keys. I opened the door and I couldnt believe my eyes. I didnt know it got to that. My mom was holding a knife and her whole dress was soaked in her tears. My mom must be a silent “crier” or maybe she became one after my dad’s death because while in her bedroom, I still couldnt hear the sound of her crying. For a minute, I was thinking about this and got confused. I didnt know tears ran down my cheeks as I was standing there like a statue.

After, I got back to my senses, I quickly took the knife from my mom. She didn’t struggle with me, she actually let me take the knife with ease. I put the knife away and I hugged my mom. I have never hugged my mom like that before. I placed her head on my shoulder and stroked her hair continuously with more tears dripping down my cheeks and I said to her slowly “Mummy, you are the strongest woman I know. You are the bravest human I know. You are my strength, my joy, my everything. I know it hasnt been easy on you. I knew you always cried on dad’s death anniversary but I didnt know how to console you. I’m sorry I havent always been there for you like dad. I miss him too. He is my hero too mom. I miss him alot too, stop crying mom. There is something I have been willing to tell you mom. I’m so sorry I hid it all these years. I didnt want you to hurt more…..Mom, actually….” Before I could complete what i was saying, my mom replied “I know.” “Your dad, my husband suffered all those time alone. He didnt tell me he was sick. He hid it from me….Why????Why???? I was a bad wife, I was the one always complaining to him. It was always about me, I never asked about him. I never asked how he felt or if he’s okay because I felt he was so strong and healthy. Its my fault…..I want to die too……I want to go meet him…..” My mom said as she continued crying. I got the shock of my life when my mom said this.

My dad begged me to keep it a secret. How did my mom figure out. All these thoughts ran through my head. I felt horrible and sad. I had to console my mom. I told her it wasnt her fault. I had to convince her that dad didn’t want her to mourn him before his death. He wanted to spend his last days with the love of his life living like he wasn’t sick, living happily and enjoying his last days on earth with her. My dad wrote a letter to my mom before he died and  told me to give it to her when she stops mourning him but my mom has been mourning my dad for 5 years now. Hence, I had no option but to give it to her. I excused her for some minutes while she read it and i went back to her.

I already knew the contents of the letter. Of course, I had to read it before, I’m pretty sure my dad knew I would read it before giving it to his wife. He explained why he didnt tell her he was sick and how much he loves her. He begged her to move on with her life and to be happy. He said her beautiful face and nagging voice would bring happiness to any man she decides to spend the rest of her life with.

My mom is 47, she is still young and is now married. She has never been this happy after reading that letter. I felt the difference after those past years filled with sorrow and sadness. And yeah, my mom rarely cooks these days because my step dad is a chef. He cooks better than she does and he has his own TV show. I am living the best days of my life watching my mom smile and laugh everyday. Also, I have a sister, a cute little 6-year-old and she looks and behaves just like me. Annoying and sweet…………

Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it #buksallthatmatters xoxo

6 thoughts on “My Mom, My Strength

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